It breaks him and he gets dangerous, even to the rest of us. [Beelzebub sometimes had to be the one to block his rage when it wound up. However, it was his duty and he had learned ways to navigate that anger.]
He carries the burdens of an entire universe. [Beelzebub sighed heavily.]
After the Fall, I was the one who encouraged him to be our leader. I didn't think anyone else could do it. I still don't think anyone else, even God, could maintain the order and hope in Chaos. I've known him since I was created. Lucifer was the first being I saw, even before God or the other angels. [Beelzebub shrugs again.] I've thought sometimes that he might have even helped create some of us.
I regret watching him suffer, because I asked him to take up the crown. I'm surprised all the time that he isn't a killing machine or a raving lunatic. [The things that Lucifer beared seemed unbearable. It was like standing in a typhoon and not being moved by anything.] I've never seen him back down nor give in, even in when the whole of Heaven and God bore down upon him he stood his ground.
[Once he's finished gently working the soap from Beelzebub's hair, Galahad turns off the tap and wrings the angel's hair carefully a few times to get the remaining water out of it. When he's done, he takes a step back to give the other man room to pull away from the sink.]
You can't blame yourself for that, cudyll. Someone had to lead your people, and it sounds like Lucifer willingly took charge and was the only one who could do it. I'm sure he's grateful for the faith you had, and have, in him-- and that you recognized that he should be the one to help save you all. [Not that it sounds easy, of course. If anything, Beelzebub's made it sound akin to something a few steps above torture in the sense of what it means a ruler has to endure.]
I can understand you feeling this way about the pain he's gone through. [Galahad picks up a towel by the sink, and dries off his hands with it, his face thoughtful.] It sounds like you have a great deal of love and respect for him and what he's done for you all.
[How Beelzebub wishes there was room to stretch his wings after being bent over the sink. He does the best he can shifting them in the space he has. Though, now his hair is finally untangled but he is still covered in blood.]
I convinced him that he should. He wasn't willing, and he still doesn't want to. He does it because there's no one else, and probably used to it by now.
[The angel sighed heavily trying to push aside the thoughts, and remembering as he is moving, the bite to his shoulder.]
He's been burned alive for us, tortured, and worse. [Beelzebub's expression is rather discouraged when he finally looks at Galahad. The words coming with weight.] He's my brother and my father.
[Eventually he shrugs away the emotions, bottling them back up for the moment.] At least he's found something better, for now. I'm reminded that his Consort.. king.. partner? [The angel realizes he's not sure what title to use, though he knows the other angel doesn't particularly like any of them.] Asked to meet you tomorrow.
To be a king is always a heavy burden, and one filled with self-sacrifice, [Galahad agrees, his mind unavoidably turning to Arthur, who also had similar responsibilities for all of his people and the entire kingdom upon his shoulders. Who had also lost in the way of friendships and freedoms because he had no other choice.] But I can't think he would want you to blame yourself, or feel like you were responsible.
[Galahad touches the angel's arm gently. He's about to suggest that Bee venture to the shower to wash up, when what the angel says catches his attention and curiosity.]
He does? [A surprised beat. He can't imagine why someone so significant might be interested in meeting him specifically.] I'm glad to, of course.
Self-blame is a difficult emotion to let go of, [Galahad acknowledges thoughtfully, taking his hand back from Beelzebub's arm with a smile.] You deserve to treat yourself with more mercy, cudyll. The mercy you might show to another of the angels in your family and friends, if you knew they were dealing with a thought like this.
It sounds like they must get along well. [And Bee sounds fond of Balthazar too, judging from the angel's reaction. That's as much of an endorsement as the knight might need, not that he wouldn't have been happy to meet Lucifer's partner on his own steam.] I'm happy to meet him whenever either of you like.
[That could indeed be an issue, yes. Still, Galahad is the hopeful sort.] Have you tried?
[Whether it's innuendo or not, the phrasing flies a bit over the knight's head.] Aye? That's good-- Lucifer deserves someone who can make him happy. [A phrase he never thought he'd say, but such are the changes that the Nexus brings people to!] What time would be good for us to go see him?
Yes. [He shrugs, having given up on it a long time ago.
The angel starts to chuckle at the 'make him happy' turn of phrase.] We'll have to find a time when he's not busy making Lucifer happy. I'll leave a message and ask.
[It wasn't as if it was far, or they couldn't fly there quickly.]
I see. [His smile turns a little rueful, thoughtful.] Maybe it would help if Lucifer himself told you how felt about you feeling responsible for his pain. [Based on what he knows about the angel's personality, he doesn't see Lucifer as the vengeful type over such a thing.] Forgiveness is powerful when 'tis something we're incapable of giving ourselves.
All right. [And yes, that one flies over Galahad's head, too.] Since he's king, would it be polite to bring a tribute of some kind?
[It seems like a good question, but who knows if angels have similar customs where their royalty are concerned? Galahad's never gone to the villa specifically to visit Lucifer, but if he did he would have wondered if it was proper to bring the king a gift, too.]
[Beelzebub shrugged at the idea of he and Lucifer talking. There was too much there for it to be clear.]
If you want, but Lucifer doesn't want to be a king. [The angel knew it was the truth.] If you want to bring something do it as a friend and not for the title. He can get pissed about the title.
Oh I meant-- his king. Balthazar. [But that's helpful information all the same. Galahad's less used to the idea of reluctant kings, but in Lucifer's case he can understand it. He'll have to spend some time thinking of a nice regular gift to bring over.] Is he like Lucifer and doesn't care to be addressed by his title?
Balthazar hates titles, though he has one for formality sake. [Beelzebub shrugs.] The title offers protection because he's a much weaker angel as an Ophan.
An Orphan? [He assumes Beelzebub means something besides the human definition of an orphan as being someone without parents.] Is he no longer connected to God?
[That gets a full laugh from the angel. He'd heard Galahad mention faith and found it strange to not know the basic angelic types.]
He did walk out of heaven, but that's not what I meant. The Ophan are a type of watcher. The ones that are rings with wings of fire and millions of eyes? They're Angels that celebrate beauty and joy.
Oh-- [Galahad perks up a bit as recognition comes at that description.] I've seen depictions of angels like those. They've different names in my world, though.
In the Nexus he looks human as you do, aye? Or...?
What do you call them? [That question comes with unabashed curiosity.]
It's different for different creations. We use illusions to hide our presence. Balthazar shares a human's body. They're willing companions. In other creations God fashions bodies for the angels. I'm sure they're more options.
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He carries the burdens of an entire universe. [Beelzebub sighed heavily.]
After the Fall, I was the one who encouraged him to be our leader. I didn't think anyone else could do it. I still don't think anyone else, even God, could maintain the order and hope in Chaos. I've known him since I was created. Lucifer was the first being I saw, even before God or the other angels. [Beelzebub shrugs again.] I've thought sometimes that he might have even helped create some of us.
I regret watching him suffer, because I asked him to take up the crown. I'm surprised all the time that he isn't a killing machine or a raving lunatic. [The things that Lucifer beared seemed unbearable. It was like standing in a typhoon and not being moved by anything.] I've never seen him back down nor give in, even in when the whole of Heaven and God bore down upon him he stood his ground.
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You can't blame yourself for that, cudyll. Someone had to lead your people, and it sounds like Lucifer willingly took charge and was the only one who could do it. I'm sure he's grateful for the faith you had, and have, in him-- and that you recognized that he should be the one to help save you all. [Not that it sounds easy, of course. If anything, Beelzebub's made it sound akin to something a few steps above torture in the sense of what it means a ruler has to endure.]
I can understand you feeling this way about the pain he's gone through. [Galahad picks up a towel by the sink, and dries off his hands with it, his face thoughtful.] It sounds like you have a great deal of love and respect for him and what he's done for you all.
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I convinced him that he should. He wasn't willing, and he still doesn't want to. He does it because there's no one else, and probably used to it by now.
[The angel sighed heavily trying to push aside the thoughts, and remembering as he is moving, the bite to his shoulder.]
He's been burned alive for us, tortured, and worse. [Beelzebub's expression is rather discouraged when he finally looks at Galahad. The words coming with weight.] He's my brother and my father.
[Eventually he shrugs away the emotions, bottling them back up for the moment.] At least he's found something better, for now. I'm reminded that his Consort.. king.. partner? [The angel realizes he's not sure what title to use, though he knows the other angel doesn't particularly like any of them.] Asked to meet you tomorrow.
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[Galahad touches the angel's arm gently. He's about to suggest that Bee venture to the shower to wash up, when what the angel says catches his attention and curiosity.]
He does? [A surprised beat. He can't imagine why someone so significant might be interested in meeting him specifically.] I'm glad to, of course.
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[And he told Lucifer similar things about his self blame too. It was probably just the nature of having so long to build up regrets and blame.]
Yes. [The angel laughed quietly.] He's very social, even more than Lucifer, which I didn't think was possible.
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It sounds like they must get along well. [And Bee sounds fond of Balthazar too, judging from the angel's reaction. That's as much of an endorsement as the knight might need, not that he wouldn't have been happy to meet Lucifer's partner on his own steam.] I'm happy to meet him whenever either of you like.
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[That gets the angel laughing.] Well's an understatement. They're attached at the hips.
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[Whether it's innuendo or not, the phrasing flies a bit over the knight's head.] Aye? That's good-- Lucifer deserves someone who can make him happy. [A phrase he never thought he'd say, but such are the changes that the Nexus brings people to!] What time would be good for us to go see him?
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The angel starts to chuckle at the 'make him happy' turn of phrase.] We'll have to find a time when he's not busy making Lucifer happy. I'll leave a message and ask.
[It wasn't as if it was far, or they couldn't fly there quickly.]
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All right. [And yes, that one flies over Galahad's head, too.] Since he's king, would it be polite to bring a tribute of some kind?
[It seems like a good question, but who knows if angels have similar customs where their royalty are concerned? Galahad's never gone to the villa specifically to visit Lucifer, but if he did he would have wondered if it was proper to bring the king a gift, too.]
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If you want, but Lucifer doesn't want to be a king. [The angel knew it was the truth.] If you want to bring something do it as a friend and not for the title. He can get pissed about the title.
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He did walk out of heaven, but that's not what I meant. The Ophan are a type of watcher. The ones that are rings with wings of fire and millions of eyes? They're Angels that celebrate beauty and joy.
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In the Nexus he looks human as you do, aye? Or...?
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It's different for different creations. We use illusions to hide our presence. Balthazar shares a human's body. They're willing companions. In other creations God fashions bodies for the angels. I'm sure they're more options.