Lord Beelzebub (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hesperussword) wrote2020-04-12 04:21 pm
hesperussword) wrote2020-04-12 04:21 pm
Entry tags:
To Honor Vows Comes with Cost
Lucifer had to encourage the angel, as a duty and a brother. The way he had been pacing, sometimes literally, over one event to the point of agitating those around him was getting too much. Eventually the king made the request and Beelzebub complied, leaving Galahad early in the morning. Lucifer hadn't mentioned the purpose for fear of the war angel refusing, balking against the request. Not many openly challenged Lucifer and even fewer rebelled against him. One angel had, this one. However, help was needed and Lucifer knew why. He had traveled the same path at the Winter Solstice, a choice not lightly taken. This morning he shifted again to that feminine form, a support to her brother who was going to have a more difficult trial ahead of him.
There were so many things going on that Beelzebub entered the villa without truly knowing the reasoning for the summons. “King?”
Lucifer turned and the angel laughed as he corrected. “Queen?”
Her smile was bright and summery. Though Lucifer spent little time as a feminine angel he did find the bond to his creative forces easier to reconnect with in this guise. That wasn't the point at the moment though. “I have some important things to talk to you about.”
War cringed internally. Usually with Lucifer, important meant God was behaving badly or enacting some terror. He didn't respond, only waited with a raised and curious brow.
“First.” She approached her brother and gave him a hug that he warmly reciprocated before parting to a respectful distance. “I wanted to speak to you about your trip to Camelot. I trust you to be my voice there, but that is a secondary concern. Be sure to tell the King that your family and ruler has given their blessing for the union and will attend any functions or negotiations needed for cultural respect.”
Beelzebub's jaw dropped open in surprise. Out of all the things he imagined Lucifer calling him for, this was not even on the list. Though, his brother did have an inherent nature of knowing about everything, even those things rarely spoke of in public.
“That does bring us to another matter.” Lucifer's expression turned sly. “A dress will look like a disaster on this body.”
The angel's eyes widened and then he laughed with deep jovial relief. Why he had tension building was a mystery but his shoulders sagged with the exhaled breath.
“Have you had any success?” Lucifer busied herself pouring them both a drink.
“What do you think?” Sarcasm blossomed in Beelzebub's voice. “Belial is more of a girl than I am.”
Lucifer had a good laugh and offered her brother the wine glass. “I dare you to say that to him with a straight face.” She watches her brother down the glass of wine like it is water. It is easy to tell he is stressed over the situation. “I know this is important to you and I know how difficult it is to start the process. May I help you with it?”
“I can't find her. I've tried.” War complained.
“You have given up?” It was a directed prod at her brother. Giving up was not in his language and it was the perfect way to reinvigorate his confidence.
“No!” Beelzebub gave her a stern look.
“It will be easier in Chaos, within the rooms where I first changed.” Lucifer reassured as the other angel nodded. “This place does make the change more difficult, even for me.”
It was a short flight, a blink of an eye for an angel, to alight in the rooms. They were known, a safe space.
“Come sit with me.” Lucifer took her brother's hand pulling him toward the couch of carved stone. The king offered her brother a drink, more comfort to easy in the calm. There they sat in silence before Beelzebub spoke.
“How do I do this?”
She stroked Beelzebub's hair brushing the wild parts into thick strands. “I do not know what she will look like. Perhaps it would be best to undress. I have the armorers on call to make something suitable after the transformation, while you rest.”
He was out of his clothing before she could finish the sentence. Girlish giggles following at his eagerness to be free of clothing. Beelzebub attentively waited for more instructions.
“You must bring to mind what you believe feminine. It can help to focus on someone you see as very female and start with their traits.” She was patient with her brother. Even in heaven when the angels were all androgynous, or nearly so, Beelzebub was more masculine. The transition would be a rough one.
“Kind, compassionate, gentle, understanding...” He started to speak the traits to his sister. “I don't think I have those.”
Again the seraphim began to laugh as a loving hand rested on her brother's forearm. “I have seen how you look at your knight. Those traits are there in your eyes. Think about them and search for them in yourself. Those will be the tethers you use to bring her to into the open.”
The warlord grumbled his agreement. Brows knitted in intense concentration as Beelzebub stared blankly at the embroidered trim of Lucifer's dress. “I can't.” He spat the words out with frustration nearly a half hour had passed.
“You can.” She took his hand in hers and then pressed the palm to her chest. “Listen to me and let what I am guide you.”
Lucifer opened her essence to give her brother an anchor point for his own connections. The first signs started immediately. Wings clamped to War's back from the way his own essence resisted. Then he pitched forward into Lucifer's arms. Beelzebub grasped at the fabric of her gown, teeth grinding against the pain and accompanying tears. Hair began to length and lighten in color from sandy brown to straw golden. The grinding turned to screams when Lucifer felt shape of his physical form shifting. The shape changes were fluid enough but the cries indicated that his path was not a clear one. All the elder angel could do was watch in as featured softened, but not too much, until the cries died away to sobs.
“It is over.” She stroked Beelzebub's shoulders and pulled her closer. “Rest. You have won the battle.”
Words of encouragement whispered until the archangel slept. Lucifer did not move though she busied herself in giving out instructions to the armorers. While a dress would be more appropriate, these first few moments needed some recognition of the past self. Clothing was one method.
The exhaustion was deep and the archangel's presence flickered beneath, dull and quiet. When the royal armorers came they helps Lucifer dress her warlord. Boots similar to the ones she wore as a male, leather kilt and a strapped leather top made of furs. Beelzebub was going to hate it, but this was a necessary evil. In order to go to Camelot there would need to be even more clothing. It was better to get her accustom to it from the beginning. The last piece was a modified sword harness to accommodate her feminine body. His usual cross strapping was certainly not going to work with breasts, even if they were on the smaller side of average.
She was dressed and still sleeping when Lucifer's mind turned to how to help her when she woke from the rest. When he first pulled his female form in winter it had left her exhausted for days. This trial was more difficult. Beelzebub may sleep for hours. Her thoughts turned to the one person best suited for her to wake up near, the one person not in Chaos. Gathering her sister in arms she took to the sky, flying easily back to the villa. Gently she placed Beelzebub in the chambers they chose to stay in when they were last at the villa. Gentle as a mother, she folded her sister's wings comfortably and brushed the, now, even wilder hair out of her face. A pitcher of wine at the bedside she went to her PINpoint to send a brief text to Galahad.
When you have a moment, can you meet me at the villa. I need to speak with you.
Then she went back to watch over her sister, just in case she woke early. War's constitution was incredible, she might wake before the knight arrived. However, Lucifer would be there to greet Galahad in the foyer regardless of the her wakefulness.
There were so many things going on that Beelzebub entered the villa without truly knowing the reasoning for the summons. “King?”
Lucifer turned and the angel laughed as he corrected. “Queen?”
Her smile was bright and summery. Though Lucifer spent little time as a feminine angel he did find the bond to his creative forces easier to reconnect with in this guise. That wasn't the point at the moment though. “I have some important things to talk to you about.”
War cringed internally. Usually with Lucifer, important meant God was behaving badly or enacting some terror. He didn't respond, only waited with a raised and curious brow.
“First.” She approached her brother and gave him a hug that he warmly reciprocated before parting to a respectful distance. “I wanted to speak to you about your trip to Camelot. I trust you to be my voice there, but that is a secondary concern. Be sure to tell the King that your family and ruler has given their blessing for the union and will attend any functions or negotiations needed for cultural respect.”
Beelzebub's jaw dropped open in surprise. Out of all the things he imagined Lucifer calling him for, this was not even on the list. Though, his brother did have an inherent nature of knowing about everything, even those things rarely spoke of in public.
“That does bring us to another matter.” Lucifer's expression turned sly. “A dress will look like a disaster on this body.”
The angel's eyes widened and then he laughed with deep jovial relief. Why he had tension building was a mystery but his shoulders sagged with the exhaled breath.
“Have you had any success?” Lucifer busied herself pouring them both a drink.
“What do you think?” Sarcasm blossomed in Beelzebub's voice. “Belial is more of a girl than I am.”
Lucifer had a good laugh and offered her brother the wine glass. “I dare you to say that to him with a straight face.” She watches her brother down the glass of wine like it is water. It is easy to tell he is stressed over the situation. “I know this is important to you and I know how difficult it is to start the process. May I help you with it?”
“I can't find her. I've tried.” War complained.
“You have given up?” It was a directed prod at her brother. Giving up was not in his language and it was the perfect way to reinvigorate his confidence.
“No!” Beelzebub gave her a stern look.
“It will be easier in Chaos, within the rooms where I first changed.” Lucifer reassured as the other angel nodded. “This place does make the change more difficult, even for me.”
It was a short flight, a blink of an eye for an angel, to alight in the rooms. They were known, a safe space.
“Come sit with me.” Lucifer took her brother's hand pulling him toward the couch of carved stone. The king offered her brother a drink, more comfort to easy in the calm. There they sat in silence before Beelzebub spoke.
“How do I do this?”
She stroked Beelzebub's hair brushing the wild parts into thick strands. “I do not know what she will look like. Perhaps it would be best to undress. I have the armorers on call to make something suitable after the transformation, while you rest.”
He was out of his clothing before she could finish the sentence. Girlish giggles following at his eagerness to be free of clothing. Beelzebub attentively waited for more instructions.
“You must bring to mind what you believe feminine. It can help to focus on someone you see as very female and start with their traits.” She was patient with her brother. Even in heaven when the angels were all androgynous, or nearly so, Beelzebub was more masculine. The transition would be a rough one.
“Kind, compassionate, gentle, understanding...” He started to speak the traits to his sister. “I don't think I have those.”
Again the seraphim began to laugh as a loving hand rested on her brother's forearm. “I have seen how you look at your knight. Those traits are there in your eyes. Think about them and search for them in yourself. Those will be the tethers you use to bring her to into the open.”
The warlord grumbled his agreement. Brows knitted in intense concentration as Beelzebub stared blankly at the embroidered trim of Lucifer's dress. “I can't.” He spat the words out with frustration nearly a half hour had passed.
“You can.” She took his hand in hers and then pressed the palm to her chest. “Listen to me and let what I am guide you.”
Lucifer opened her essence to give her brother an anchor point for his own connections. The first signs started immediately. Wings clamped to War's back from the way his own essence resisted. Then he pitched forward into Lucifer's arms. Beelzebub grasped at the fabric of her gown, teeth grinding against the pain and accompanying tears. Hair began to length and lighten in color from sandy brown to straw golden. The grinding turned to screams when Lucifer felt shape of his physical form shifting. The shape changes were fluid enough but the cries indicated that his path was not a clear one. All the elder angel could do was watch in as featured softened, but not too much, until the cries died away to sobs.
“It is over.” She stroked Beelzebub's shoulders and pulled her closer. “Rest. You have won the battle.”
Words of encouragement whispered until the archangel slept. Lucifer did not move though she busied herself in giving out instructions to the armorers. While a dress would be more appropriate, these first few moments needed some recognition of the past self. Clothing was one method.
The exhaustion was deep and the archangel's presence flickered beneath, dull and quiet. When the royal armorers came they helps Lucifer dress her warlord. Boots similar to the ones she wore as a male, leather kilt and a strapped leather top made of furs. Beelzebub was going to hate it, but this was a necessary evil. In order to go to Camelot there would need to be even more clothing. It was better to get her accustom to it from the beginning. The last piece was a modified sword harness to accommodate her feminine body. His usual cross strapping was certainly not going to work with breasts, even if they were on the smaller side of average.
She was dressed and still sleeping when Lucifer's mind turned to how to help her when she woke from the rest. When he first pulled his female form in winter it had left her exhausted for days. This trial was more difficult. Beelzebub may sleep for hours. Her thoughts turned to the one person best suited for her to wake up near, the one person not in Chaos. Gathering her sister in arms she took to the sky, flying easily back to the villa. Gently she placed Beelzebub in the chambers they chose to stay in when they were last at the villa. Gentle as a mother, she folded her sister's wings comfortably and brushed the, now, even wilder hair out of her face. A pitcher of wine at the bedside she went to her PINpoint to send a brief text to Galahad.
When you have a moment, can you meet me at the villa. I need to speak with you.
Then she went back to watch over her sister, just in case she woke early. War's constitution was incredible, she might wake before the knight arrived. However, Lucifer would be there to greet Galahad in the foyer regardless of the her wakefulness.
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"Aye. Lucifer bade me come here to be with you. I'm glad he did." He encourages whatever snuggling the angel wants to do, gently touching her cheek and the soft feathers of the wings folding around him. "How are you feeling?"
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"Tired." She nestles in closer and though slimmer the size is still there in height. "And thirsty."
Really, she was just craving booze and languid laying about. There had been warnings that it would be exhausting but the angel hadn't imagined it would be those exhausting. Despite it all she's happy and grinning. "You've been out to care for the animals?"
It's a question solely to discover how long she can lazily lay around.
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"What do you want to drink?" A thoughtful beat. "Wine?"
The knight surveys the angel's smile, glad to see it still in place. It's comforting to recognize the edges of Beelzebub's familiar (sometimes) silliness present in his female face.
"Aye," Galahad chuckles. "All of them. The horses are fed, the fizzgigs have had their morning exercise, the warthogs have had milk-- everyone's taken care of. You could stay here the rest of the day, if you so chose."
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Finally, she opened her eyes and they are still opaque black. Beelzebub feels different. The way her body fits with Galahad's is different, but it's not as different as he expected.
"Then, you're mine for the day?" She asks lazily and slightly groggy.
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"Whatever you like, I'm here." The knight's smile softens slightly as he looks over Beelzebub's sleepy face. This is turning out to be much more like those moments when they wake up or fall asleep together than he expected. Everything about the angel feels the same, from the warmth of her skin to the way she moves and talks. It's the sound of her voice, her face, and her form that are the only unfamiliar parts of the angel. "But you should try to rest more, if you can. Lucifer said the transformation took a lot out of you."
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Lazy, she might be, but she's not sleepy any more. Her grace is subdued compared to normal, but that will regenerate with time. She looks up from where she has found a comfortable spot against his chest.
"Do you like me as a princess?" The tone is playful but buried under the surface is a desire to address the concern. Maybe Galahad would change his mind.
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"I'm so proud of you, cariad. You found this side of yourself when you've never had to before." And Beelzebub did it for them. "There aren't words to express my gratitude."
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"The only thing unfortunate is I have to wear more clothes." Beelzebub laughs and presses her lips to Galahad's in a playful peck. She's still testing things, still worried about rejection. It's going to take time before she's completely sure and confident.
omg i suck tonight sorry
The guilt that surges up in response is quick and conflicted enough to make the emotion difficult to place. Galahad flushes though, and draws a little further away to give himself what feels like the necessary space to breathe. One hand comes out to gently, tenderly, brush a stray strand of sandy hair out of his lover's face from where it's caught upon her lips.]
Aye, [he offers back distractedly.] But we can take our time to adjust to all of this. Lucifer told me that she'd already helped you find a dress?
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Then Galahad is pulling away and her expression turns confused. Something is wrong and her instant reaction is to blame herself. After all Beelzebub is the only thing that has changed. She looks away and feels tight in the chest; anxious and confidence taking a hit. She can't even place why but the way Galahad pulled back felt off.
"Yes." She nods, slowly looking at Galahad with growing concern. "I think it'll be suitable."
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The knight takes Beelzebub's hands gently in his own two and holds her with his gaze.
"This is different for both of us, aye? It's... confusing. I don't have the words to say why, but there's-- something," Galahad admits, his gaze dropping momentarily. "Can we be generous with one another and take our time with coming together again?" He touches the angel's shoulder gently, hoping beyond hope that these words will be enough. The last thing he wants is for him to make Beelzebub feel unloved. "I promise that I'll be with you each step of the way, if you want."
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"If I want?" Beelzebub looks up at Galahad like he's lost his mind. She sighs and shakes her head at the words. There's no way to fight back the impersonal feeling of being touched on the shoulder instead of embraced. "Why are you touching me like I'm a stranger?"
It's the best way Beelzebub can express the distance she's feeling, the push back to stand at arms length. It's angelic instinct that pulls her wings in around her own body. There's anger boiling into her feelings but she bites it back. In Galahad's words she perceives a very real sense that what he's really saying is she is going to have to navigate this alone while he stands at arms length deciding what to do with her.
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"I'm not," Galahad insists, trying to keep a hold of whatever part of the angel she'll allow him to touch with her wings coming in protectively around her. "I love you." His fingers brush feathers, and he grips at them gently as the guilt goes from weighty to crushing. "Please, don't pull away."
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"You won't even kiss me without pulling away." The accusation is sharp as a razor but also clearly filled with pain and fear. Beelzebub isn't good with expressing fear but that's more of what she's feeling than anything else. What she's feeling is the contrast between now and the usual passionate, warmth between them when they lay in bed. Her own discomfort magnifying the desire for that kind of connection. She pulls her hands away, covering her face and just starts crying. Beelzebub doesn't know how to come to terms with what she's feeling about herself, about Galahad. It just hurts and she's exhausted despite saying otherwise.
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After a breath, he reaches for the angel again to try and hold her gently if she'll let him. The chasm of discomfort forming between them is infinitely worse than any feelings of confusion or physical distance from the transformation. "Please," he implores quietly. "Let me try again."
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A false expectation was there too. One that Galahad would be accepting and help her accept how she was going to have to live for many years to come. Of course she was uncomfortable and disoriented, but it was this or something absolutely unacceptable so Beelzebub just forged ahead. Her wings open just enough to allow the angel to melt into Galahad's chest. She clings to him, grabbing the back of his shirt as she holds on. Beelzebub is definitely not ok but trying. She tries to swallow the tears and force them to stop.
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"I love you," he says again softly, sincerely. Despite the weightiness of hearing the angel cry against him, there are shreds of light and comfort in being allowed to hold her again. The distance between them not being total feels like hope. It feels like there are twenty things he might try to say, or promise in this moment to try and start repairing things between them, but for the time being the knight decides to simply hold his lover and let her cry for however long she needs to.
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"I love you." Beelzebub is slowly coming around. The tears getting under control, turning to shoulder quaking stifled sobs. She needs this more than she might know or admit. Though the hug remains tight, she lets go of the fists full of shirts. A little longer in the quiet lets the sobbing subside as she clings to her knight.
Her mind recalls some of the questions Galahad asked before the crying started. When she speaks it's a little broken from the previous sobbing. "I am disoriented, about everything except you."
Even walking felt like it would be strange. Just moving in the bed feels wrong in some way. Galahad though that was the same. Even as their bodies fit together differently, it somehow didn't feel as off as everything else. To the angel, it was different but the sense of rightness with Galahad was one place where the uncertainty didn't exist.
She tilts her head to look up at him, eyes red from crying. "My body's different but you still feel like where I belong."
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"We do belong together. We always will, cariad. We're going to be married and spend the whole of my life together." The knight looks down into her face, trying for a small smile as he gingerly rubs at the tears running down the angel's cheeks with his thumbs. Even as he does, it's impossible to miss her deep black eyes --like looking into cloudy sky at night, the way it always does when he peers into them-- and how familiar they are. The sight makes his chest clench again (this time in a good way) and the knight leans in after a moment, pressing a kiss to the angel's forehead first, and then another to her lips. "I will always be with you no matter what. Even if you had no form at all and I couldn't even hold you like this. It's not your body that I fell in love with."
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It's the honest answer. He wouldn't have become a woman if it wasn't something so dire as losing happiness. She's not bitter about it. This was a choice, one she would gladly make again. However, it's harder to adjust to than she expected. She leans into the kiss and the smile brightens. Some of the upset was panic and this is easing the feelings. "When I have no form, I can still hold you."
The mischief is slowly creeping back into her smile. She is tired and stressed but hearing the love pushes the fear away. She squeezes Galahad and then lightens her hold. "I love everything about you, Gerval."
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"I know," he acknowledges, threading fingers gently into some of Beelzebub's soft down. The sensation is as enormously comforting as it always is, and it draws a sigh from Galahad. "This is something I'll never be able to repay." Even if he did have more than one lifetime to spend at Beelzebub's side. "I know you wouldn't ask me to, but I understand... this. What you've done and what it means. I think, given enough time, we can make what you've done for us our miracle." One that will allow them to stay together despite the restrictions of his world.
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She's a little pushy with her words because it feels wrong to hear them. Galahad shouldn't feel indebted to her, not for something done willingly. However, it's the rest of his words that get another bright laugh. "One miracle at a time. We still have to get the Christians in the castle to accept a fallen angel as their princess." She's jovial and poking fun at their troubles, as usual when the mood is lighter. "My sister, Lucifer, has me thinking about things later on because he's been staying female a lot lately."
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"I think there's a chance they might understand if we only explained what happened to you and the rest of the Fallen. Arthur and my brothers are understanding men. If they knew you were only trying to live your lives like any of the people in Arthur's keep or castle town... I think they would sympathize."
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She presses in closer and finally feels less awkward in the changes to how their bodies come to rest. If Beelzebub had little shame about nakedness as a male, the same was in her mind as a female. Pausing in the cuddling, she looks up at him to ask something obvious, or obvious to her as she works out what the new body feels like. "Are you going to be uncomfortable seeing me shirtless?"
She has to ask because angels didn't have the same ideas and she's really not sure their view on female bodies though he had learned about male ones.
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"I don't know," he admits after a moment. "The only woman I've seen bared before is my mother, and that was when I was a child." A beat, and he stops to watch Beelzebub, confused. "Are you-- thinking about taking your clothes off now?" He can't imagine why the angel might, but then in the past Beelzebub has shown more than a little disdain for clothing in all circumstances, so it seems like this may be more of the same.
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