To Honor Vows Comes with Cost

[hesperussword]

Lucifer had to encourage the angel, as a duty and a brother. The way he had been pacing, sometimes literally, over one event to the point of agitating those around him was getting too much. Eventually the king made the request and Beelzebub complied, leaving Galahad early in the morning. Lucifer hadn't mentioned the purpose for fear of the war angel refusing, balking against the request. Not many openly challenged Lucifer and even fewer rebelled against him. One angel had, this one. However, help was needed and Lucifer knew why. He had traveled the same path at the Winter Solstice, a choice not lightly taken. This morning he shifted again to that feminine form, a support to her brother who was going to have a more difficult trial ahead of him.

There were so many things going on that Beelzebub entered the villa without truly knowing the reasoning for the summons. “King?”

Lucifer turned and the angel laughed as he corrected. “Queen?”

Her smile was bright and summery. Though Lucifer spent little time as a feminine angel he did find the bond to his creative forces easier to reconnect with in this guise. That wasn't the point at the moment though. “I have some important things to talk to you about.”

War cringed internally. Usually with Lucifer, important meant God was behaving badly or enacting some terror. He didn't respond, only waited with a raised and curious brow.

“First.” She approached her brother and gave him a hug that he warmly reciprocated before parting to a respectful distance. “I wanted to speak to you about your trip to Camelot. I trust you to be my voice there, but that is a secondary concern. Be sure to tell the King that your family and ruler has given their blessing for the union and will attend any functions or negotiations needed for cultural respect.”

Beelzebub's jaw dropped open in surprise. Out of all the things he imagined Lucifer calling him for, this was not even on the list. Though, his brother did have an inherent nature of knowing about everything, even those things rarely spoke of in public.

“That does bring us to another matter.” Lucifer's expression turned sly. “A dress will look like a disaster on this body.”

The angel's eyes widened and then he laughed with deep jovial relief. Why he had tension building was a mystery but his shoulders sagged with the exhaled breath.

“Have you had any success?” Lucifer busied herself pouring them both a drink.

“What do you think?” Sarcasm blossomed in Beelzebub's voice. “Belial is more of a girl than I am.”

Lucifer had a good laugh and offered her brother the wine glass. “I dare you to say that to him with a straight face.” She watches her brother down the glass of wine like it is water. It is easy to tell he is stressed over the situation. “I know this is important to you and I know how difficult it is to start the process. May I help you with it?”

“I can't find her. I've tried.” War complained.

“You have given up?” It was a directed prod at her brother. Giving up was not in his language and it was the perfect way to reinvigorate his confidence.

“No!” Beelzebub gave her a stern look.

“It will be easier in Chaos, within the rooms where I first changed.” Lucifer reassured as the other angel nodded. “This place does make the change more difficult, even for me.”

It was a short flight, a blink of an eye for an angel, to alight in the rooms. They were known, a safe space.

“Come sit with me.” Lucifer took her brother's hand pulling him toward the couch of carved stone. The king offered her brother a drink, more comfort to easy in the calm. There they sat in silence before Beelzebub spoke.

“How do I do this?”

She stroked Beelzebub's hair brushing the wild parts into thick strands. “I do not know what she will look like. Perhaps it would be best to undress. I have the armorers on call to make something suitable after the transformation, while you rest.”

He was out of his clothing before she could finish the sentence. Girlish giggles following at his eagerness to be free of clothing. Beelzebub attentively waited for more instructions.

“You must bring to mind what you believe feminine. It can help to focus on someone you see as very female and start with their traits.” She was patient with her brother. Even in heaven when the angels were all androgynous, or nearly so, Beelzebub was more masculine. The transition would be a rough one.

“Kind, compassionate, gentle, understanding...” He started to speak the traits to his sister. “I don't think I have those.”

Again the seraphim began to laugh as a loving hand rested on her brother's forearm. “I have seen how you look at your knight. Those traits are there in your eyes. Think about them and search for them in yourself. Those will be the tethers you use to bring her to into the open.”

The warlord grumbled his agreement. Brows knitted in intense concentration as Beelzebub stared blankly at the embroidered trim of Lucifer's dress. “I can't.” He spat the words out with frustration nearly a half hour had passed.

“You can.” She took his hand in hers and then pressed the palm to her chest. “Listen to me and let what I am guide you.”

Lucifer opened her essence to give her brother an anchor point for his own connections. The first signs started immediately. Wings clamped to War's back from the way his own essence resisted. Then he pitched forward into Lucifer's arms. Beelzebub grasped at the fabric of her gown, teeth grinding against the pain and accompanying tears. Hair began to length and lighten in color from sandy brown to straw golden. The grinding turned to screams when Lucifer felt shape of his physical form shifting. The shape changes were fluid enough but the cries indicated that his path was not a clear one. All the elder angel could do was watch in as featured softened, but not too much, until the cries died away to sobs.

“It is over.” She stroked Beelzebub's shoulders and pulled her closer. “Rest. You have won the battle.”

Words of encouragement whispered until the archangel slept. Lucifer did not move though she busied herself in giving out instructions to the armorers. While a dress would be more appropriate, these first few moments needed some recognition of the past self. Clothing was one method.

The exhaustion was deep and the archangel's presence flickered beneath, dull and quiet. When the royal armorers came they helps Lucifer dress her warlord. Boots similar to the ones she wore as a male, leather kilt and a strapped leather top made of furs. Beelzebub was going to hate it, but this was a necessary evil. In order to go to Camelot there would need to be even more clothing. It was better to get her accustom to it from the beginning. The last piece was a modified sword harness to accommodate her feminine body. His usual cross strapping was certainly not going to work with breasts, even if they were on the smaller side of average.

She was dressed and still sleeping when Lucifer's mind turned to how to help her when she woke from the rest. When he first pulled his female form in winter it had left her exhausted for days. This trial was more difficult. Beelzebub may sleep for hours. Her thoughts turned to the one person best suited for her to wake up near, the one person not in Chaos. Gathering her sister in arms she took to the sky, flying easily back to the villa. Gently she placed Beelzebub in the chambers they chose to stay in when they were last at the villa. Gentle as a mother, she folded her sister's wings comfortably and brushed the, now, even wilder hair out of her face. A pitcher of wine at the bedside she went to her PINpoint to send a brief text to Galahad.

When you have a moment, can you meet me at the villa. I need to speak with you.

Then she went back to watch over her sister, just in case she woke early. War's constitution was incredible, she might wake before the knight arrived. However, Lucifer would be there to greet Galahad in the foyer regardless of the her wakefulness.

Comments

[the_rebel_son]

"He is." Lucifer nods. "Once she has rested, it is likely the shift back to masculine will occur on its own while she sleeps. When I first changed the exhaustion lasted for days. These first days may be hard on her. She will need your support. I know because I had doubts about how Balthazar would feel about my feminine appearance. Reassurance and keeping normal routines and affection will do a lot for Beelzebub."

Lucifer set her tea aside. "It is a painful process now, as learning any physical skill is, but with practice it will become easier. It will take time."

[knightgallant]

His mind is still reeling a little at the prospect of walking in on Beelzebub and seeing him in an entirely different body. It's impossible for him to imagine what the angel may have gone through in order to trigger such a change, but Lucifer's words make it obvious that the process is difficult on the body.

"When can I see him-- er... her? I don't want to disturb her while she sleeps, but I would like to see her as soon as I can."

[the_rebel_son]

"We can go now." Lucifer offers. "I only wanted to prepare you because this will be difficult. He's never wanted to be female but that says much about what is in his heart that he would do it for you."

Those words are said with understanding, compassion, and no small amount of pride. It meant a lot to Lucifer to know Galahad had won that kind of affection and trust from her brother. She motions for Galahad to follow.

"I would not wake her yet, but she will be glad for your presence and know it even in her sleep." Lucifer has led them down to the room Beelzebub and Galahad had shared after the party and she leads him inside. Beelzebub is still resting quietly, long hair and wings haphazardly strewn across the bed. The form though slender bears the same sort of well-muscled for the gender and the clothing close enough.

"Go to her. I will stay for a short time in case you need me."

[knightgallant]

It goes without Lucifer's saying that Galahad assumes this will be a difficult transition for Beelzebub. Such a thing would be difficult for a human accustomed to living in one body for twenty to fifty years. For a being used to living (mostly) in one for billions of years? It's very easy to imagine the change being awkward, to say the least.

"I won't wake her," Galahad says, voice already hushed before they even enter the room where Beelzebub sleeps. The knight understands the importance of letting all that's to come happen on his lover's own terms. What he wants is to try and be there for the angel, whatever that may mean or require. As strange as all of this has become, it still holds that the man inside the changed form is still Beelzebub, and that this is their way to be able to stay together despite the restrictions placed upon Briton's Christian kings.

When they finally come upon the room where Beelzebub rests, Galahad offers Lucifer a nod and a small parting smile, and then makes his way quietly into the dimmed chamber. It's strange, of course, to come upon the prone form of a woman who by all accounts seems to have very little in common, physically, with Beelzebub save for her strong-looking form and the style of her clothing. Making sure to keep his movements silent, the knight settles himself down upon the side of the bed beside Beelzebub's form, watching the angel's face closely. It doesn't matter if she continues to rest for some time or wakes up soon, Galahad is prepared to wait until his lover returns to the waking world.

[hesperussword]

She isn't ready to wake yet, still too tired from the transformation. However, she senses him, feathers fluffing slightly from his presence. The affection, the connection between them, none of that is effected by the change.

It isn't too long after Galahad settles on the bed that Beelzebub grabs him, nestling up beside him the same way she would after too much drinking and fighting. The body form changed but it seems like the mannerisms have also remained.

Eventually, she does start to stir with the usual slothfulness of a morning. The nuzzling purr and strength is there just as any morning had been before this.

[knightgallant]

The way Beelzebub grips at him is very reminiscent of the way his lover pulls at and nuzzles into him in the early mornings before the sun's light arches over the top of the Wilds. The sight and sensations bring a small, fond smile to the knight's face. Almost automatically, he draws the now-smaller (strange, to ever think of Beelzebub in terms of smallness or litheness) form of his lover into his arms, and gently strokes the long and wavy blond hair spilling down the angel's back and over her shoulders.

"Cariad?" His fingers gently brush the blood-speckled down of the tops of the angel's folded wings, finding this sensation also very familiar and comforting. "You've come through your change."

[hesperussword]

She grumbles about being woken up and just pulls at Galahad to find his lips for a kiss. Beelzebub subconsciously knows there's been a change, but these are autopilot like reactions.

"Lucifer brought you?" Even through the haze she remembers Lucifer mentioning something about Galahad. Her wings start to close in around him because she's still drowsy. She just wants to snuggle.

"You smell good." Her face is burying against him, just happy to feel his presence.

[knightgallant]

"Mmmh." Is the response the knight can get out as his lady presses her lips to his. The cuddling up that the angel is doing is another familiar response, and something Galahad encourages as Beelzebub blearily comes back to him. He leans in to press a kiss to the top of Beelzebub's golden head, and then gathers the angel securely into his arms. He didn't doubt that Beelzebub would be able to make this change without much issue --the things the angels can do seem to greatly outnumber those they can't, as Galahad has come to know them all more and more-- but it's still good to feel Beelzebub whole and acting like himself as they curl up together.

"Aye. Lucifer bade me come here to be with you. I'm glad he did." He encourages whatever snuggling the angel wants to do, gently touching her cheek and the soft feathers of the wings folding around him. "How are you feeling?"

[hesperussword]

Beelzebub can remember the change and is just ignoring it. Like Lucifer, there is a lingering fear of rejection that pushes her to ignore the obvious.

"Tired." She nestles in closer and though slimmer the size is still there in height. "And thirsty."

Really, she was just craving booze and languid laying about. There had been warnings that it would be exhausting but the angel hadn't imagined it would be those exhausting. Despite it all she's happy and grinning. "You've been out to care for the animals?"

It's a question solely to discover how long she can lazily lay around.

[knightgallant]

A request for a drink is something easy and concrete he can give his partner. It's a clear way to help in the middle of a situation that's more complex, and that will take time to adjust to.

"What do you want to drink?" A thoughtful beat. "Wine?"

The knight surveys the angel's smile, glad to see it still in place. It's comforting to recognize the edges of Beelzebub's familiar (sometimes) silliness present in his female face.

"Aye," Galahad chuckles. "All of them. The horses are fed, the fizzgigs have had their morning exercise, the warthogs have had milk-- everyone's taken care of. You could stay here the rest of the day, if you so chose."

[hesperussword]

"There's wine at the bedside." She loosens her grip enough for Galahad to pour a drink.

Finally, she opened her eyes and they are still opaque black. Beelzebub feels different. The way her body fits with Galahad's is different, but it's not as different as he expected.

"Then, you're mine for the day?" She asks lazily and slightly groggy.

[knightgallant]

As Beelzebub slides away a little, Galahad leans up to find the ready amphora of wine on the bedside table to pour Beelzebub a glass. With careful hands, he presses it into one of the angel's open palms and waits until she closes her hand around it to let the glass go.

"Whatever you like, I'm here." The knight's smile softens slightly as he looks over Beelzebub's sleepy face. This is turning out to be much more like those moments when they wake up or fall asleep together than he expected. Everything about the angel feels the same, from the warmth of her skin to the way she moves and talks. It's the sound of her voice, her face, and her form that are the only unfamiliar parts of the angel. "But you should try to rest more, if you can. Lucifer said the transformation took a lot out of you."

[hesperussword]

This isn't as bad as she thought it would be, though there's still a fear that she won't be attractive or wanted. Lucifer warned her that those feelings might linger for some time. She smiles, taking the glass and downing it. The quickness more from a desire to relax with her partner than to chug multiple drinks.

Lazy, she might be, but she's not sleepy any more. Her grace is subdued compared to normal, but that will regenerate with time. She looks up from where she has found a comfortable spot against his chest.

"Do you like me as a princess?" The tone is playful but buried under the surface is a desire to address the concern. Maybe Galahad would change his mind.

[knightgallant]

"You're beautiful," Galahad says sincerely, his fingers trailing gently through the ends of the long, wavy blond hair again. Despite the angel's size, it's odd and incredible to feel the relative smallness of her features and form beneath his fingertips as compared to her larger male self. "And you're you." It's the only way the knight can think to put the feeling of sitting beside the awakening form of someone who is so clearly the angel he remembers in mannerisms and actions.

"I'm so proud of you, cariad. You found this side of yourself when you've never had to before." And Beelzebub did it for them. "There aren't words to express my gratitude."

[hesperussword]

She blushes at being called beautiful because it really hits on the fear and worry she's been feeling. Her arms snake around Galahad's chest and pull him in, almost on top of her. The strength is obviously still there too.

"The only thing unfortunate is I have to wear more clothes." Beelzebub laughs and presses her lips to Galahad's in a playful peck. She's still testing things, still worried about rejection. It's going to take time before she's completely sure and confident.

omg i suck tonight sorry

[knightgallant]

[It surprises even the knight himself, but he feels a shyness rise up as Beelzebub draws him close and nearly over her. Galahad takes a short breath after their lips part, before he steadies himself enough to sit up a little. His arms stay around the angel, holding her tightly and supporting the arching of her back. There's a slight looseness --a touch of uncertainty-- in his hold as he adjusts to the feeling of slim fingers gripping at him, and the lines of an elegant chin and jaw bumping against him as they kiss. The scent of the angel is the same. The mannerisms are the same. Almost everything important is the same, but something doesn't feel exactly right about their physical intimacy all the same.

The guilt that surges up in response is quick and conflicted enough to make the emotion difficult to place. Galahad flushes though, and draws a little further away to give himself what feels like the necessary space to breathe. One hand comes out to gently, tenderly, brush a stray strand of sandy hair out of his lover's face from where it's caught upon her lips.]

Aye, [he offers back distractedly.] But we can take our time to adjust to all of this. Lucifer told me that she'd already helped you find a dress?

[hesperussword]

Beelzebub is uncomfortable in her skin but glad for the closeness. It helps her feel normalcy in a body that isn't normal, or rather has never been the norm. She needs to be held tight. In some ways the change of body has thrown Beelzebub right back into some of the uncertainty he had when the relationship started. She doesn't know what to do with herself or how to process the situation clearly. However, it's infinitely more stable now because thier love is strong and devoted.

Then Galahad is pulling away and her expression turns confused. Something is wrong and her instant reaction is to blame herself. After all Beelzebub is the only thing that has changed. She looks away and feels tight in the chest; anxious and confidence taking a hit. She can't even place why but the way Galahad pulled back felt off.

"Yes." She nods, slowly looking at Galahad with growing concern. "I think it'll be suitable."

[knightgallant]

It's odd, to know Beelzebub so well that even when the angel is in a different body, Galahad can read her uncertainty and discomfort easily enough. Earlier in their relationship the knight might have tried to deny both of their reactions to himself in the hope that the feelings would simply go away. But after enough time with Beelzebub and being twice forgiven (or more -- it sometimes feels like he's been forgiven and understood so many times over) for his stumblings in their relationship when he tried to shrug off or push away difficult emotions, he doesn't want to give conflict the same quarter to become worse in self-imposed silence. He's learned well enough by now that letting conflict go unaddressed between them only deepens it and makes it worse.

The knight takes Beelzebub's hands gently in his own two and holds her with his gaze.

"This is different for both of us, aye? It's... confusing. I don't have the words to say why, but there's-- something," Galahad admits, his gaze dropping momentarily. "Can we be generous with one another and take our time with coming together again?" He touches the angel's shoulder gently, hoping beyond hope that these words will be enough. The last thing he wants is for him to make Beelzebub feel unloved. "I promise that I'll be with you each step of the way, if you want."

[hesperussword]

Beelzebub listens and instantly feels rejected, or at the very least shoved to arms length. There's a storminess that comes into her presence with that line of thought. It feels isolating.

"If I want?" Beelzebub looks up at Galahad like he's lost his mind. She sighs and shakes her head at the words. There's no way to fight back the impersonal feeling of being touched on the shoulder instead of embraced. "Why are you touching me like I'm a stranger?"

It's the best way Beelzebub can express the distance she's feeling, the push back to stand at arms length. It's angelic instinct that pulls her wings in around her own body. There's anger boiling into her feelings but she bites it back. In Galahad's words she perceives a very real sense that what he's really saying is she is going to have to navigate this alone while he stands at arms length deciding what to do with her.

[knightgallant]

...Oh. Suddenly this is going very badly despite his best intentions. There's a brief flare of panic in the face of not knowing what to do, but the knight clamps down on it and works to master himself.

"I'm not," Galahad insists, trying to keep a hold of whatever part of the angel she'll allow him to touch with her wings coming in protectively around her. "I love you." His fingers brush feathers, and he grips at them gently as the guilt goes from weighty to crushing. "Please, don't pull away."

[hesperussword]

Clearly the temper has come with the rest of the personality and it's getting the better of her even if she doesn't want it to gain control.

"You won't even kiss me without pulling away." The accusation is sharp as a razor but also clearly filled with pain and fear. Beelzebub isn't good with expressing fear but that's more of what she's feeling than anything else. What she's feeling is the contrast between now and the usual passionate, warmth between them when they lay in bed. Her own discomfort magnifying the desire for that kind of connection. She pulls her hands away, covering her face and just starts crying. Beelzebub doesn't know how to come to terms with what she's feeling about herself, about Galahad. It just hurts and she's exhausted despite saying otherwise.

[knightgallant]

"I'm confused, cariad. You sound like you, you are you, but I'm not-- you look and feel different." He desperately wants to not be hurtful, but more than that, he's trying to be honest. Neither of them are used to Beelzebub's new form yet, but Galahad wants to try to be. Particularly with how scared and angry he can tell the angel is in feeling like she's been turned away from him. "It's only been minutes since you woke up. Are you not feeling disoriented, too?"

After a breath, he reaches for the angel again to try and hold her gently if she'll let him. The chasm of discomfort forming between them is infinitely worse than any feelings of confusion or physical distance from the transformation. "Please," he implores quietly. "Let me try again."

[hesperussword]

There might be answers to some of those questions, comments on how off she feels, but the stress is pushing away possible responses. This was one of the fears Lucifer mentioned; a fear that a female body would be rejected. However, her sister had encouraged her with words that Balthazar had quickly come around. She'd hoped her own partner would see her the same, accept her easily. Her heart starts pounding as she remembers conversations about how Galahad would have to take a wife, how little he wanted to do with the idea of having one outside of a duty to country. It furthers the idea of being unwanted in this form.

A false expectation was there too. One that Galahad would be accepting and help her accept how she was going to have to live for many years to come. Of course she was uncomfortable and disoriented, but it was this or something absolutely unacceptable so Beelzebub just forged ahead. Her wings open just enough to allow the angel to melt into Galahad's chest. She clings to him, grabbing the back of his shirt as she holds on. Beelzebub is definitely not ok but trying. She tries to swallow the tears and force them to stop.

[knightgallant]

In the silent space between the angel's wings opening and her folding against him, Galahad can feel his heart breaking in his chest at the sensation of hot tears pattering against his neck. He firms his hold on the angel automatically, squeezing her tightly as he buries his face into the warmth of the hair cascading down beside one of her ears as he seeks to comfort her.

"I love you," he says again softly, sincerely. Despite the weightiness of hearing the angel cry against him, there are shreds of light and comfort in being allowed to hold her again. The distance between them not being total feels like hope. It feels like there are twenty things he might try to say, or promise in this moment to try and start repairing things between them, but for the time being the knight decides to simply hold his lover and let her cry for however long she needs to.

[hesperussword]

The fear abates slowly as Galahad pulls her closer. Reflexively, she kisses his chest but focuses more on regaining control.

"I love you." Beelzebub is slowly coming around. The tears getting under control, turning to shoulder quaking stifled sobs. She needs this more than she might know or admit. Though the hug remains tight, she lets go of the fists full of shirts. A little longer in the quiet lets the sobbing subside as she clings to her knight.

Her mind recalls some of the questions Galahad asked before the crying started. When she speaks it's a little broken from the previous sobbing. "I am disoriented, about everything except you."

Even walking felt like it would be strange. Just moving in the bed feels wrong in some way. Galahad though that was the same. Even as their bodies fit together differently, it somehow didn't feel as off as everything else. To the angel, it was different but the sense of rightness with Galahad was one place where the uncertainty didn't exist.

She tilts her head to look up at him, eyes red from crying. "My body's different but you still feel like where I belong."